we shall never forget

A few months ago...

My phone buzzed silently, an sms coming in. I whip out my phone and press the worn out buttons and stare at the screen. It was from Dad. Nai Nai (NN), my paternal grandmother, was hospitalised in Pantai Hospital.

NN had been fighting health complications for years. Many years ago, there was a tumour, a benign one. 2 years ago there were two, and pieces scattered around. A few months ago, there was one that was encircling her ureter. All benign, but just as lethal. Surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy, Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), Quantum pendants, Xangosteen (Mangosteen juice), microsurgery, we tried them all. And at least for the moment, NN's time with us was extended. 2 years ago, the doctors told us she had 6 months - tops. And yet, she pulled through just fine. Until that sms.

Previously, NN was being cared for in a care center run by my uncle Anthuan of the famous Ratos family, a place called Lecadia in Pudu for the elderly who don't just need care, but medical care as well. It was there that many a time Dad, Kor (brother Ming Hui) and I visited, sometimes taking Yeh Yeh (YY - grandfather) out for dinner. At some points NN was back at their flat in Kepong, and that's where we'd go for weekend dinners instead.

And then the sms. NN was now in the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), where there's all the necessary monitoring equipment. I was in the middle of my trial exams, and it was in the middle of the week. That weekend, I visited with Dad and Kor. She's improved a lot since the past few days, I was told. Although when I saw her tiny figure in that hospital bed, I thought she's shrunk a few too many sizes. And her mind was a little off. Sometimes she'd recognise people, sometimes not. She didn't recognise me at first, but she remembered me as one of her granchildren who always got out of the car the slowest. Not something I've heard before, perhaps it was just her own observation.

Soon, she was back in Lecadia where she recovered a little. I visited her a few times with Kor and Dad. Kor, who could drive, could visit her more often. However, I was in the middle of my trial exams and I couldn't, or sometimes a little too lazy and/or tired to visit. Most of my cousins travelled from all over the world to come visit. Australia, Sitiawan, Singapore, Penang, even America.

Last weekend, that is, the start of the school holidays, Kor invited me to go with him and Mei Sze to visit. I agreed. We went there, and out of the blue Kor took out his guitar from the boot. Alas, he forgot to tell me that he was planning to sing for her, or I would have brought my bass guitar there too. We went up. NN was steadily deteriorating. She had come to the point where she needed morphin patches to numb her from the pain. As Kor sang and played, I softly harmonised where I could, and tried to include my not-as-nice-voice in as well. NN grunted and clapped slowly (assisted by YY). She was weak and tired, too weak for much movement and no speech at all. I silently prayed that she shouldn't be made to endure this pain, either cure her or... That was the last time I saw her alive.

A week later, a little before the noon of Saturday, 25th August 2007, Chen Lee Yoon passed away peacefully beside her faithful husband, Wan Kin Heong. It was one day after his 77th birthday.

"of tears and of flowers soon
there'll be sadness and despair.'

Two days after I posted my poem online, two days after Kor blogged about NN, two days after Mei Sze (my cousin) blogged about escaping death, two days after we all felt we had to express ourselves through our blogs, NN passed from our realm of the living.

God bless her, may she find her peace up there. We shall never forget.